Y’all know that I’m a huge Miranda Lambert fan. For those of you that don’t know, her newest album came out two weeks ago and it is a true work of art. Never have I connected with an album like I have with this one. Today on the way home from work her song ‘Keeper of the Flame’ came on and I found myself in tears.
I asked myself, what flame am I in charge of keeping for the next generation? What new flame am I starting for future generations? I honestly couldn’t come up with a single answer. At one point I took pictures, helped families capture special moments that would stand the test of time, but I don’t do that anymore. I ran this blog for eight plus years but even that seems to be coming to an end with every day that passes without a post. I go to where I do random tasks, most of which other people just don’t have the time to do, and then I come home and do school work, house work or catch up on TV shows with Ben. On the weekends I take on whatever adventure I have on the calendar. Going to a concert, go visit someone somewhere or staying home to get house work done.
I don’t write or sing songs that are heard by millions. I don’t set sports records or work to cure a disease. I don’t fight to protect our freedom or run into burning buildings. Crap, there was a job opening as a 911 dispatcher and I couldn’t even find it in me to apply for that because I know I wouldn’t be able to detach myself enough to do the job without carrying the emotion of it with me. I’m not taking care of sick people or helping to bring new life into the world. I don’t write books that people will be talking about in English class years from now. I’m doing nothing.
I realize that not everyone makes a huge difference on the world, but I’d like to know that I’m living a life that is going to mean something to someone. I want to know that I’m going to be remembered for something other than the fact that I can drink a whole bottle of wine and still be functioning. I want to be the keeper of the flame of something. I know I can’t be the only person who’s felt lost in this world; who’s stopped, looked around and thought “what the heck am I doing with my life?” In fact I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s found themselves feeling this way since two weeks ago with this album came out.